Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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