the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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