he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
