I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize