my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
