I CAN MOONWALK!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
