Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
