i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
two words: eviction party
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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