Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
