OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
