All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
