I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize