You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
