I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
