She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
