I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
