I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
