I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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