The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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