But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
