I must be too annoying 4 u.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
