At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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