I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize