i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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