Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
