you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
