my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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