I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
