I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize