I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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