he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
