i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
