ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
