I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
