I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
