i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
