Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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