One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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