smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think your dad took our porno
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
