I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
