I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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