She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
