I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
