I need help removing her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
