it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
