So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
