shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
