if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
