i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
