Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
