my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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