from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
