To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
