im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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