I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
