my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boobs speak an international language.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
