she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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