The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
