I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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