he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
