I showed him my bush... on skype.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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