Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
