So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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