I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
