I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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