You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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