you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
