The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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