Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
