Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
