Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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