are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize