If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
