Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
