Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
