I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
