Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
