i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
40s are totally the cure
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
