There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
