Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
