Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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