last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
