i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
