I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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