how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
