Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
