i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's great music for shaving your balls
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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