Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
