dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
