Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize