He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
