Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
