he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
