The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
