we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
