you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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