Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
