It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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