My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
