Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
