Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were destined to go to rehab together
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
