DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
