This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize