I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize