Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
