but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
