Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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