Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am midnight drunk by noon
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
