Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
