I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
