My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
