Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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