Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
