Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
