babies were throwing up all over the place
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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